Miracles that suck
No matter how far the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benefit others ...
As I prepare for another amazing dive trip to the Sea of Cortez, Sometimes life just shows up.
This week life showed up & this was not the adventure I signed up for. However it is handily one of the most important adventures of my life. ...... Recovery.
So bear with me as I write
(Cracks knuckles and begins.....)
Miracles That suck
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it talks about how Alcoholics are selfish, self obsessed, self seeking, we can't form real relationships with others etc etc.....
I say more importantly we re-discover what is in Page 152
"A vision for you"
"You will be bound to them
the ...(Fellowship friends, & your chosen or otherwise, Family) ...with new and wonderful ties,
for you will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of
"Love thy neighbor as thyself."
I say it over & over & over we never give up no matter what. This week I experienced and viewed from the other-side as some powerful forces saved my friends life.
What I assumed to be a criminal matter became a rescue mission, not for nor from me. Seems it was for the past 10 months the job of the courts and a fellowship & family that surrounded him.
The truth is I wanted nothing more to do with him. I believe I had turned him over to the universe.
I had my own personal issues at hand. I was living life I WAS "BUSY"
What I did not know was, that the more I thought about another person's problems the less I thought about my own. It allowed me to be more helpful and useful in other areas of life.
As I sat in the courtroom I wept sometimes thinking I had given up on this one for sure.
He was all but dead this time. Then of course I was reminded of all those that helped me along the way. All those that never gave up & all those that said I could stay.
I was especially aware of my day in court when the judge gave me that chance.
When the judge on this day was busy handing out heavy handed sentences to others, we found him and all those involved caring compassionate and firm.
There was a presence in that courtroom. I sat in the audience together with Mark Bill and many many that love him. That power was his truth. We all bared witness to the outcome. As compassionate as it may seem to some, to others it still sucked.
I have invisible tattoos on my wrists one says:
"you're alive" the other says "stay grateful"
When I look down I try to stare at my wrists.
I do not know much, but what I do know is I am grateful even for the miracles that suck.
You don't have to dig deep to know that most of the time our plans rarely turn out the way we hoped, and most of the time we find out that even in the midst of the darkest hours there is hope and new understanding in-spite of what is happening around us. If I want to be more honest I want to call myself out on one thing.
Sometimes when your ship is sunk and you see those that made it, hugging each other, jumping for joy , then moving on with their lives. Some of us even run out into the world and forget that there are others that are barely swimming for their lives.
We become blind to their reaching for that life raft crying out in pain over & over again.
We can get so caught up in being grateful to be alive , "being busy" we forget that there was a hand that reached out and yanked us into the boat wrapped us in warm blankets and let us breathe.
I don't want to be either one of those guys the forgetful or forgotten.
I am learning new ideas new ways of seeing others but more importantly I am not giving up on myself.
I refuse to give up on others and I want to do better each day. We don't all get well and have illustrious lives filled with dreams coming true. Some of us fight every step of the way. Whoever that is ,and whoever you are today, who ever I am today, the fighter or otherwise. I am alive and I am grateful.
So is this guy and for the last 19 years he has always been a dickhead and a fighter.
I am proud and honored to call him my friend and my brother.
Stay alive !
more importantly ....... Just Stay.
Thank you Jacob for a wonderful week and allowing us to breathe you in.